Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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