Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?