OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had