I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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