she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
