ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
