So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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