After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
