You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
