i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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