Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
