she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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