Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize
