you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
