Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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