Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
