Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
