you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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