Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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