My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
