I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
