So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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