I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize