We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
