Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
