I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
