Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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