i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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