It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
