Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
