Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
