I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
