I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
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I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
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Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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