last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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