i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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