He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My vagina just recognized that song.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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