Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
