apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
