I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
