i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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