Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
