i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just invented taco cereal.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
