i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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