The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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