K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
