so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
