And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
