After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
