I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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