they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Randomize
