just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
