Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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