HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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