you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
