I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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She tied me up with her honor cords...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
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after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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