Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
