yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
