Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
