I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
