you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
