She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
