but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
