Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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