She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
