shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
