There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
