I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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