At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
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she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
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I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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