Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
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She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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